I know I’m a little late publishing this, but things have been a little crazy over here in Del-land. But here it is.
August 15, redux: I know I posted a gratitude thing for today already, but this occurred to me as I was getting ready for bed and I wanted to document it. Also, we’ve established that I’m a rule breaker.
So after I made the post, I got a distressing phone call. A minor medical test has come up with some scary results, and I have to go get more scans ASAP. This test was something I didn’t put a lot of import behind, and considering everything else going on, I considered canceling it. We weren’t sure I could find somewhere local to where I was living to do it, and we didn’t feel like driving all the way back to Rockville to get it done. But something small but strong in my gut told me to keep moving forward, to get it done, and not let all this other life crap get in the way. And now I’m glad I did – it shows that I might need another surgery, possibly right away, and I wouldn’t have known that if I put it off.
Tonight, I’m also grateful for my intuition. For that small voice inside that always tells me the truth, and lets me make good decisions, and leads in the right direction. It’s taken me a long time to trust it, but when I do I always seem to end up doing the right thing.
August 16: Today I am grateful for Johns Hopkins. This doesn’t happen every day, as I’ve had some hellacious experiences with them, but today I can be a little grateful without forgetting the past. I needed a STAT test and they were able to fit me in, and the process was nice and swift. I showed up, I got processed, I got scanned, and I was out. It took longer to get there than it did to have the test!
August 17: I am so, so grateful for time alone. It’s going to be few and far between for a while, but tonight I was able to get a few hours of being in my temporary room all by myself. For all my gregariousness, I am actually an introvert, and I desperately need downtime all by myself to feel recharged. It’s much harder to get when you’re a guest in someone else’s home, and also since I’ve been having some scary health stuff people don’t want to leave me alone for long stretches of time. I totally understand that, but it was still nice to get some of that anyway. (Also, I’m grateful for 1000 pages – not here, but with my Threadspouses.)
August 18: Today I am grateful for “fun life”. After all the stress and work of the last week, Rave and I have decided that today is for fun. We’re going out and doing some fun things in hopes of helping bring my stress level down, and make me feel slightly more human.
August 19: The last few days have been very stressful, very fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kinda days, where we’re not sure what we’re doing until we wake up in the morning and sometimes not even then. Today’s thankfulness is to my gracious hosts, Spark and Fuego, for allowing me to have guests on their floors and couch, without even batting an eye. They have made this transition just a little bit easier.
August 20: There are these small, quiet moments between two people who are in love, when they are beyond the need to show it every single moment. When they can sit, side by side, in peace, sharing the same air and sometimes bobbing up with a comment or two. Real companionship, especially for two introverts. I’m grateful that Alex thinks sitting on the couch watching TV is as romantic as a four course meal.
August 21: Today I am grateful for having my own car back! The ability to go when and where one pleases is a powerful source of independence. Even though I choose not to drive, it’s good to know that I could, in an emergency. It feels so much more comfortable knowing that I have at least one thing I can count on as I go through this transitory phase, living in different places, having belongings all over the state, and not really knowing where I’m going to land, at least I know I’ll have the Duckbus with me.
August 22: I am looking inward for my gratefulness today. There’s so much going on around me, through me, inside of me and about me, and here I am. I’m getting up every morning, I’m doing what I have to get done (to the best of my ability), I’m moving forward. There are moments when I turn it all off and just allow the immensity of the emotional impact wash over me, but then I dry my eyes, square my shoulders, and get moving onto the next thing. I am so grateful for that inner strength, and the strength that others lend me when I feel weak.