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I’ve been doing some writing about something very similar to this post: the idea that the way we approach our sexuality, in addition to our spirituality, also colors the way we approach everything else in life. So consider this wonderful post by Anne Marie Clulow about how spending some time really considering how we approach orgasm in relationship to sex, can open up doors of realization as to how we approach pleasure in general. For example, if you are the kind of person who forgoes your own orgasm for the pleasure of your partner on a regular basis, are you also then the kind of person who does things for others without ever getting what you need or want out of the exchange? Of course, orgasm is not the be-all, end-all of sexual experience, but continually denying yourself pleasure and release can not only directly affect the rest of your life, but could also point towards an unhealthy pattern of fear and shame around asking for and receiving things that you want and need in your life. Read this post, and then take some meditative time (in the shower, while you drive, sitting in meditation, during yoga, etc) to think on how your sexual habits inform or mirror your habits outside of the bedroom.

annemarieclulow

ImageIn a talk recently on conscious sexuality, I shared with the group that I personally have identified 12 separate, identifiable orgasmic experiences in my body.

My orgasmic background until the age of 38 was incredibly limited. As I have shared my story with many woman that walk through our doors at Tantra Evolution, I have noticed the parallels that have emerged, patterns that run throughout our lives, not just sexually, in every arena from relationships to parenting to career choices.

My partner Jonti, once said in a workshop that the way we are sexually is the way we are in our entire lives.

At the time I disagreed vehemently.

Until I really, really thought about it.

And the pieces fitted. I had faked orgasm with everyone until I was 38 years old, keeping other people’s egos and pride happy, suppressing my own real pleasure response. I had only experienced clitoral…

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About Del

A shaman who writes about spiritual things, but not in that namby-pamby "everything is light and fluffy" sort of way.

5 responses to “

  1. L ⋅

    I don’t actually like orgasms and can name a dozen bedroom activities that feel 100x better to me. Those I have no problem asking for, though. 😛

  2. I love your honesty and humor. I don’t work with Loki, or work Norse, but I know many that do, so maybe it’s just whimsy on my part to see Loki’s hand, and some of His humor, in this trend of worshipper/fangirls.

    On the subject of Godspouses, I’d like to meet more people who said “no,” to their Patrons or Patronesses, upon receiving a marriage invitation. I am the only person I know who turned Someone down that I still work with as a Patron.

    • Grr, I meant to respond to your “Del is a Meanie” post, and it somehow landed on “13 Orgasms.” Then I couldn’t figure out how the f*ck to fix it. Sorry, and cheers.

    • Del

      I am including an essay in the book titled “Sometimes You Can (And Should) Say No”, which is about saying no to Gods on a variety of topics, including “No thank you, I don’t think I want to be a God spouse.”

  3. I can relate to her article for a number of reasons, some of which are too private to post. But mostly revolving around fear, shame, and most of all, pressure to perform or a spouse will leave you.

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